Teaching Emotions... Why The Autistic Child Is Never Simply A Little Bit Angry...

Return To HOME Page

It is my belief that much as sensory, behavioral and social aspects of the autistic child's life are impacted by the inability to properly process the parts to a whole, so too, is it the case with emotional issues as well.   In my opinion, because the autistic child is unable to understand "partialities" his life is one of "all or nothing"... having no room for the "in between" situation or "part" to anything.

Thus, the inability to allow for the "physical" existence of "parts" that are not understood, in my opinion also applies to the inability to allow for the existence of "parts" to emotions.   As a result, emotions, like the physical world, become a matter of "all or nothing" in terms of what is "allowed" by the autistic brain.  For example, "parts" to emotions that are not understood, perhaps simply because they have never been "labeled" for what they are - "degrees" of emotion within the expression of one specific type of emotion.   Thus, as with everything else, for the autistic child, "degrees" of emotion must also be defined to be understood.

Take for example the  "emotion" of "happy.   Parents do not usually think of actually "teaching" the various "degrees of happy".   In my opinion, however, this may be exactly what is needed to help the autistic child understand his emotions  as well as to help him perceive the emotions of others.  I had noticed in Zachary that he could easily tell when "mom was very upset" but that unless I was "very upset", he really went about doing his daily activities without taking much notice of "how mom felt" during the day.    Likewise, he could easily perceive "very happy" when I laughed "very hard"  - and he too, usually ended up finding that "funny" and laughing right along with me.   But really, anything that was not "hilariously funny" in his eyes, something for example that was only "somewhat funny", he really paid no attention to.

I truly came to understand this whole issue with "degrees of emotions" as I watched my autistic nephew who was approximately 11 years old.   Jason had exhibited all the characteristic behaviors of an autistic child.  As a younger child, he had been fascinated with many of the same things that currently fascinated Zachary.   As I observed Jason, I often looked for "clues" of what I could expect to see in Zachary as he grew older also, in an attempt to help "prepare myself" for what was inevitably down the road for my autistic child as he grew older. 

Like Zachary, Jason was a very kind-hearted and intelligent boy.    He had a fantastic memory for specific things and excelled in or had immense difficulty in stereotypical areas of strength and struggle  for autistic children.   In July of 2002, while we were visiting many of my in-laws, almost all my nieces and nephews were playing together... all except Jason.   He went around, talking to himself  - undoubtedly a form of ordering language in the older autistic child - and every once in a while, he would notice something another child did, something he thought was funny.   What hit me right away on this particular day, was the fact that what Jason had "perceived as hilariously funny", most children would have perhaps only found "somewhat amusing".   Yet, there was Jason, laughing hilariously at something that really "was not that funny" to begin with.

By this time, I had already figured out that partiality processing was an issue for the autistic child... but, what I had not realized until that very moment, was that partiality processing affected absolutely all aspects of the autistic child's life... including emotions!   Once again, it all made perfect sense!

Jason, in my opinion, did not understand the "in between" emotion or "partial emotion" much as he could not understand the "parts" in anything else until they were first "explained" or "labeled".   As such, I came to quickly understand that for the autistic child, even "degrees of emotion" had to be labeled!    In my opinion, as with so many other things in the life of the autistic child, we had made the mistake of assuming a child could at least "see all levels" of emotions, but for the autistic child, in my opinion, this was a very false assumption!  The fact that various "levels of emotion" were expressed ever day by those all around the autistic child did not mean that the child necessarily "understood" those emotions.   I would argue, indeed, that the autistic child does not understand "in between" emotions until they are specifically taught.  Only then, do I believe, can the autistic child truly come to perceive "levels or degrees of emotion"... only then can he understand the "parts" or "degrees" to the whole - the type of emotion!

This easily explained not only issues with "hilarious or inappropriate laughter" so often seen in autistic children, it also explained the other extreme of emotions too - the violent outbursts of anger and aggression.  In autistic children, it was all too obvious that it seemed to take "almost nothing" to upset them tremendously.   Again, there was no "in between"...the autistic child was either "not upset" or "tremendously upset", "not finding something funny" or finding something to be "hilariously funny"...  and nowhere were "degrees" of either anger or happiness anywhere to be found!

I now truly came to understand that in order for the autistic child to "perceive" and understand the various "degrees" of emotion - in all types of emotion - those "degrees" literally had to be taught!

The various or "in between" degrees of "happy", for example,  needed to be taught to the autistic child since he knew no "in between" emotions.  The autistic child was either happy or not happy, sad or not sad, angry or not angry.  In my opinion, the autistic child experienced only the "full blown" emotion or none at all.  

As with everything else in the child's life... the part of the whole had to be taught...and again, this was why, in my opinion, labels were so critical for these children in coping with their world.   As with everything in the autistic child's world, when the parts could not be understood, they were simply ignored, or frustration surfaced and erupted in the form of anger and aggression, self injurious behavior and withdrawal and so many other "coping mechanisms" we see in these children. 

Given this, how do you go about teaching "degrees" of emotion?   As with so much in the life of the autistic child, this too begins with a label.   For example, in teaching "degrees" of happy, the autistic child, in my opinion, needs to be given labels and specific examples of the following ideas or "levels" of "happy":  giggling, snickering, grinning, contentment, enjoyment, pleasure, satisfied, ecstatic,  elated, overjoyed and so on.   The goal was to teach the various "degrees" or "in betweens" ... between the "a little happy" and "very super super, absolutely ecstatic happy". Once the child understood the various "labels" for the "in between" levels of "happy" or "mad" or "sad", he could then make use of these emotions because now, each specific level of emotion, each "degree" of emotion had been given a label ... making that "degree" or "part" to the emotion an entity in and of itself as opposed to a "part" to something else.   Emotions no longer become outbursts - in any direction - happy or mad - as labels to variations of one thing provide a coping mechanism for the child. 

In teaching a child to deal with anger and/or frustration, it now becomes necessary to show them the various levels of anger... to show them that "it's ok to be a little angry if this happens, but not very angry"... to show them what level or degrees of anger were appropriate for various situations.  So was it true for levels of aggression.    Autistic children needed to be shown what was acceptable behavior and what was not given a specific situation.  The same would be true of "levels of screaming"... when was a little scream ok... and when was it ok to give out a huge scream!  All these "levels of emotion", in my opinion, had to be taught to the autistic child!  :o)

Teaching the child to cope with his emotions via productive coping mechanisms, and helping the child understand alternatives to emotions, the "in between" emotions as opposed to only the extremes, I'm convinced will be of great help to these children in anger and aggression management.  

I knew Zachary has some appreciation for the expression of emotions as seen in these pictures when asked to show me his "happy" and "sad" face.   But, in teaching him, I previously had never thought about the "in between" in emotions... at least not until recently.  

Again, I longed for a teaching tool I had not yet seen in this area... a video whereby Zachary could actually see and be taught the "in between" emotions,  not simply the general concept of "happy" or "sad", for example.  In starting to teach Zachary degrees of emotions, something I found to be of help were all those "smilie" faces you see on the Internet.  Zachary could  "relate" to them easily when I told him "what they were".  This technique seems to work because each smilie came with that important "label".

There are tons of good links for "smilies" below for those of you who want to try this ,too.  I hope your child connects with some of these "smilies".

Zachary showing his "sad face" and "happy face".

As with everything else, the part of the whole, in my opinion, first had to be taught or understood in terms of how the part fit into the whole in order for even "emotions" to make sense for the autistic child...  in order to provide the necessary coping mechanisms for these children.  The "label", in my opinion,  truly was the key to so much for these children.

Indeed, for these children, life is indeed marked by emotion - the emotion of frustration - as these children desperately attempt to "break the code©" in absolutely everything - including understanding emotions themselves, and why they feel the way they do... especially when that emotion is one of "sadness"!  For Zachary, I had often noticed that when he was sad, he was very very sad... and this had always troubled me a great deal - now, I finally understood why my son's sadness had often been so intense that it broke my heart also!   I finally understood my son and in showing him I understood, I saw the joy in his face because I knew he finally sensed that I did understand!   His life, a life that had until recently so pervasively been marked by frustration, almost overnight lost much of that frustration because as I understood my son, I could now easily move in and help him deal with those things causing his frustration.  My work with Zachary could now be much more focused.  

I finally - finally - understood my son!  The shackles of autism that had for so long enslaved my little boy were finally coming off!  :o)

Things to help teach "degrees of emotion"  - smilie faces (links below) and words of quantity!

Links for "smilies" to help teach emotions to the autistic child.

Return To HOME Page